Talluluh Talks Parenthood - Toddler Version

When the time comes that you are blessed with a child, people will tell you LOTS of things.  Things like, "You will never sleep again!"  "You'll never have time for (insert anything here)." and "Say goodbye to your skinny jeans." They pretty much tell you that you will be miserable and they don't understand why on earth you didn't wait five more years, or have less children, or why you don't do such and such the way they did it.  They will give you tons of unsolicited advice and comment on how big your daughter's hairbow is or how your son's cough sounds really bad.  And I'm not just talking relatives.  I am talking complete strangers, too.

I don't consider myself an expert at parenting, because I am pretty new to the scene.  But I do know a few things. And all those people?  They are sort of right.  Your life will never be the same.  But they are wrong too.  Here's a list of what people don't tell you:

1.  The first time you hear your child cry, the first time you hold them.  You will never forget that moment and how emotionally charged it was.
2.  You will cheer and jump up and down like an idiot when your child uses the potty.
3.  Being a parent is probably the messiest, most disgusting job in the world.  But getting puked on and peed on is totally worth it.
4. There is no better therapy than rocking or cuddling a baby.
5.  You won't be able to read or watch the news without your heart breaking.  Everybody is somebody's baby.
6.  You will yearn for a weekend away, but when you get it, you will miss your babies and worry about your babies and yearn to return home.  Except when vacationing from potty training.
7.  You will learn to hear the distinct sound of that cough that precedes throw-up.
8.  You will love your significant other more than you ever knew possible when you watch him playing My Little Ponies or trains with your children.
9.  It is totally possible that you will walk into your child's room to wake them up from a nap and they will be covered in poop.
10. Your children will be the funniest, sweetest, most beautiful children in the whole universe.
11.  There is no such thing as a clean house.
12.  There is no such thing as clean laundry.
13.  Hearing a small person say, "I love you Mommy" will undoubtedly make you feel like a superhero.
14.  You will wipe boogers and snot on your shirttail.
15.  You will never be more proud of anything than you are of your children.  And that your heart will swell to a thousand times its size with pride at the completion of the most minute task (e.g. eating, walking, talking).
16.  You will have a constant internal struggle between "Let's have another one!" and "Whose idea was it to have children?"
16 and 1/2.  You will understand why your mother was crazy.  You will forgive her for everything you said you would never do when you had children (and then you will do them all).
17.  When you go to the restroom, your children will follow you and bang on the door.  They will stick their fingers under the door while yelling, "I want to watch you go potty!"
18.  The years between their day of birth and their third birthday will pass at warp speed.  Cherish every. single. moment.
19.  You will be able to distinguish between the types of crying you hear from the other room.  There is the frustrated cry, the hurt cry, the sad cry, and the fit-throwing cry.
20.  The opinion of everyone else will not matter.  All that will matter is that the little people in your life think you are the best cookie/bacon maker that ever existed and that they beg you to play dinosaurs and to read them a story.  You will wonder what you did before you had children.  You will wonder how your heart can feel so full of love when your child is happy and ache so much when they are sad.  You will understand your purpose in life.